36 Things Ork Women never say:

The edge on this blade is too sharp!
He's just so dreamy!
Red wine with fried swamp rat!?! Are you mad!?!
Where is my hand lotion?
That's swell!
Please be gentle with me.
My hope chest is pink.
Too many animal skins detract from the decor.
I hope his penis is small.
I feel giggly.
I'm not smart enough for him.
I don't keep sharp objects in my house.
I've started a retirement fund.
I'd just DIE if he came over and talked to me.
Please explain the nuances between 'partly cloudy' and 'partly sunny'.
Don't call me slim - I prefer 'scrawny'.
I don't want to seem forward.
Oh I couldn't possibly, he ’ s far too young.
This relationship is going so fast! Can ’ t we just take it a little slower.
Scars are a big turn-off.
I already have enough swords at home.
Scotch tastes better with a twist of lemon.
I hate cunnilingus .
She is wearing the same dress as me... that bitch!
No meat thank you, I'm a vegetarian.
Darn it!
Earl Grey tastes better unsweetened.
I feel bright and chipper this morning!
I need a man to open this jar of pickles.
My legs are too long.
I can't decide if I want my Giant Bark-Slug poached or broiled?
I'm on a low sodium diet.
Please don't make me use obscenities.
I never mix my drinks.
Physical strength is unfeminine.
Hold me!

This axe is too big!
My fianc é is registered at Tiffany's.
I think she's too young to be wearing a bikini.
Me think that, perhaps, women's professional mud wrestling is faked.
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Too many mounted animal heads detract from the decor.
Not all problems can be solved with violence.
I don't have a favorite sports team.
I started a diary last night.
Sports are more fun ta watch if you are 100% sober.
Be honest with me guys... does this chest-plate make my butt look big?
Not in my bed she won't!
Oh I couldn't possibly, she ’ s far too drunk.
Checkmate.
Yeah, lesbians don ’ t do it for me either.
Please trim the fat off my steak.
Me no like big boobs.
Where the hell did this pimple come from?
This part always makes me cry.
Shucks!
Where is the rendezvous point?
That's very unsanitary!
Do you have any Sweet and Lo?
And what can I do for you this fine day?
Who needs sex anyway?
Spitting is such a nasty habit. 
Stop waving those weapons in da air!... It just ain't safe.
No more beer for me.
I'll have the salad.
I'm over 30 years old.
My socks are very clean.
I can't eat that - too high in fat!
Guys, let's draw upon our feminine sides for a more intuitive solution to our differences.
I think we've killed enough things today.
Where is my teddy bear?
Hold me!